Today, though, we're facing our first cold in a few months and we're both feeling rather ill. At first, I thought my allergies were on hyper drive but then JJ got snuffly and congested. Since babies generally don't have allergy problems, I realized then why all of that allergy medication wasn't working.
I'm actually lucky I didn't accidentally overdose on Zyrtec, if there is such a thing.
It seemed like a perfect day to sleep in, laze around, and do nothing all morning. The sun is out now, chasing away the dreariness that lingered after last night's thunderstorms and downpour. I think it's always funny how rainstorms can make such a dramatic entrance, stomp and throw themselves around, and be so easily chased away by the quiet glimmer of a small sunshine beam.
So that's today. Quiet, lazy, and sleepy.
Emotionally I'm okay. Spending so much time with JJ is very good for both of us, and I'm working hard to make sure that we can have more time together when I go back to work... or at the very least, I can be more available for him. My plan is developing already and our big break is going to come through soon. I can feel it.
Time for another nap...
I sat and drank my coffee in complete disbelief. I felt like I had just gotten a visit from the Ghost of Easter Past. Memories of getting up at dawn and dressing in our Sunday best to head off to church for several hours flashed back into my mind. The visions of watching the sun rise and shine through the stained glass windows came back to me, too. Although I was too young to remember the Catholic Easters, as I got to college, several of my friends frequently practiced the holiness of Lent: 40 days of prayer, fasting and almsgiving, in which I participated too. A more modern practice of Lent can be several different layers of the three elements, or simply giving up something that is pleasurable or addicting to your life, as a sacrifice to your faith. Holy communion was a big deal in my church on Easter morning, and I was always honored to participate with my community and my family.
The Easter Bunny was always on time, every year, In addition to a basket filled with goodies (not so much candy, but lots of toys, games, bubbles, and sidewalk chalk), the Bunny always brought each of us a new pair of shoes. One year he even brought me a kit to make a pair of leather moccasins that I got to sew together myself!
Easter this year compared to Easter, say, fifteen years ago, is dramatically different. I woke up this morning and didn't even remember that it was Easter Sunday. I think that's pretty sad. I know that as JJ gets older, holidays will mean more to us, but this year seems like a bit if a blur - every day is the same as the last. JJ will have the same experiences that I did as a child, perhaps even more. The Ghost of Easter Present got jipped on this one... sorry, dude.
It's so funny how things change so dramatically as we get older. Sometimes it changes so fast, you almost feel like one night you go to bed in your bedroom, and the next morning you wake up in Zimbabwe. Completely naked and ten years older.
Oh, and don't worry everyone - I talked it over with God and we're cool. And I'm still waiting for the Ghost of Easter Future to come around today...
Here's a hint: Too bad we didn't have a Plan B in place in order to pay the mortgage. We'll have to think of one now. At least, until the Unemployment Hearing in May.
Hey God, how did you know I needed more motivation to find a job? Oh wait. You know everything. Well, then you also know that we'll need some serious Divine intervention right now for our sanity and our bills, let alone putting food in our baby's belly and diapers on his bottom.
Moments like these make me think of that old, desperate question that has slipped out of every one's mind now and then: Why do such bad things happen to good people? I've asked myself that very question more than a few times in the past several months. Why us? Why now? And, most importantly, what did I do to deserve this?
I've spent most of my life with a desire to help people. At first I wanted to be a doctor, but then realized that I didn't love school as much as a doctor should. Then I kind of wanted to be a nurse, but I despised the grueling hours and the dirty work. I fell into retail in college as a way to pay the rent and really fell in love with the idea of helping so many people throughout the course of a day. Every day, I met an unlimited number of strangers who needed me and that was a great feeling.
As I climbed the retail ladder, I realized that helping strangers wasn't the only thing that I was good at. I quickly learned how to help employees, too. Helping those that I worked with, and who worked for me, became the highlight of my retail career because the fruit was there to see. The labor paid off, and I could see the results growing. I loved it.
I have never once treated an employee unfairly, although some disgruntled ones might think otherwise. Sure, I dished out some tough love every now and then, but in the long run, I only wanted what was best for them and the store. A leader is nothing without her team, and a team is nothing without each other.
I spent many years protecting my employees from unjust treatment, unfair advantages, and unethical practices. I've spent my whole life trying to please others. Isn't it a little ironic that I'm being handed all of those things now? Although treating others the same way you want to be treated is a nice gesture, it is far from a guarantee that others will treat you the same. I feel good knowing that I never treated others the way I am being treated now.
After speaking to a friend, my mom, and my 10 year old nephew, I realize now that everything has it's place. My child has his place, my husband, my dog... and this too... and perhaps in ten years, we will look back on this day and laugh.
I can't wait to laugh about this.