New Challenge

I can hear the frogs practically screaming at each other through the open window. A cold front just hurried through and now the temperature is WONDERFUL outside - a nice break from the thick humidity that's been hanging over Chester for the past few days.

Monday is the day. I start a new job and I have to admit - I have some reservations. Sure, I'm excited about starting something new... but there is so much that sits on that excitement and smothers it.

I want to be with my son. I'm not talking spending some time with him - I'm talking about spending ALL the time with him. I worked really hard to find a stay at home job, but it just didn't work out. Perhaps one day. I'm going to keep looking.

Being a working mother is incredibly hard. I can't even describe how difficult it is to leave your child, come home exhausted just to put your baby directly to bed, and start all over the next day. When I'm at work, all I think about is my baby. When I'm away from him, he's on my mind.

I realized the other day that perhaps the root of the post partum depression wasn't because JJ is here... it's because he's not here. I haven't had a SINGLE symptom since I've been out of work. Not one. Now I already feel it coming back, just with the thought of going back and leaving him once again. Coincidence? I think not.

The real challenge here is not the new job, or the magnitude of the work, or the commute - it's surviving and coping with being away from my child. It's inevitable anyway... kindergarten is just around the corner, right?

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I totally feel your pain! I HATED having to work full time and leave Nick with someone else when he was small (I was a single parent until he was four). Your new job is exciting, and I'm sure that it will be great for your family in many ways, but I think it's a good idea to keep an eye out for something you can do from home eventually. Some moms just have a real need to be there full time with their kids when possible, and that's certainly nothing to be ashamed of! Good luck next week. Hope the transition goes smoothly!


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