Mine, however, fly free with me every day. Believe me, I would love to pay someone to neatly tuck them away for a while.
I tend to blog more when I’m having a bit of a rough patch. I also blog more when Jerry gets into playing the XBOX more... so now you can label me as “more predictable than you originally thought.”
I’m going to come out with it. I’m currently struggling with post partum…. crap. I’m nearly convinced that I’m not having depression issues. I haven’t figured it out yet but please know that we are working on it. We will find a solution. We will get through this. In the mean time, this is a very interesting article I ran across the other day that raised an eyebrow... http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/02/17/ptsd_in_childbirth. Her story sounds strangely familiar.
THAT. That is what gets me looking in a good direction. That is my life therapy. Kids have an incredible ability to make you pick yourself up off the floor and instantly feel good. Charlotte Reynolds (www.cjstuf.org) made me feel this way. My niece and nephews make me feel this way. Most of all, JJ makes me feel this way. His wonderfulness is wrapped in a very tiny package, but it far exceeds its physical boundaries.
I’ve been putting JJ in the baby wrap more in the evenings and although he’s only in it for a short time, it offers more together time than we had before. It is painfully true that working moms struggle finding quality time to spend with their kids. I’m still trying to figure it out and it’s been three months. I think we’re getting close to maximum possible time together, which makes me very satisfied.
Mr. Wonderful is currently sound asleep in his crib after I dusted off my swaddling skills and wrapped him tight (picture from a few nights ago.) He just learned to roll over, and the rolling and flailing is keeping him awake. For the past FIVE weeks, he has not slept more than four or so hours at a time. Tonight, I haven’t heard a peep out of him for at least that long. I think tonight might be the magic moment. It’s also moments like this which make me feel quite satisfied, knowing that I can figure out what my baby needs before anyone else, sometimes before even he figures it out. I know the hungry whimper and the sleepy nuzzle and the bored chatter. I’ll be totally honest when I say that we have very little crying (at least from JJ) in our house (except the time he whacked his elbow in the bathtub, and a few other choice moments.) He doesn’t need to cry to tell me. I know.
All of these amazing superpowers still have me in awe, and now Jerry is getting them, too! This shock and awe sometimes leaves me in a daze: are we... raising a child? Are we really doing this scary thing we only dreamed about a year ago? This little human depends on us for everything and are we doing an absolutely fantastic job??
Yep. We sure are. And although I don’t feel blessed/thrilled/excited/satisfied all of the time, I know that he is here because we wanted him so much. We loved him even before he was conceived, and even more now that he is in our arms. He makes us more complete than we ever would have been without him, regardless of whatever emotional post partum baggage that I continue to lug around.