Gross Anatomy

I’m grouchy. We didn’t sleep well last night, so I’m not functioning well today. I fell hard at the rink the other night and now my leg is pretty sore. I’m grouchy.

JJ was in a bad mood today, too. I find much curiosity in how our emotions seem to parallel each other’s. The house is a mess, but do I care? Nope. Instead of cleaning, I took a bubble bath. Relaxing was delightful. It occurred to me in the tub that my body is finally mine again. After more than a year, it’s finally back to normal. Well, almost.

Disclaimer (I’m making a lot of these, aren’t I?): Slightly graphic material to follow. Use your own imagination at your own risk.

Top ten ways I know my body is mine again

-I noticed in the mirror, before I got in the tub, that my stretch marks are finally beginning to lighten.

-The “Linea Negra,” that funny brown line that appears down the center of every pregnant belly, is fading but still there. It’s ok, I don’t mind.

-My C-Section scar is still so sensitive, you can only imagine what my bikini line looks like, but at least the scar isn’t red anymore.

-My period FINALLY stopped after five STRAIGHT months (knock on some serious wood here.) No, I’m not making that up. Nine months of no periods is NOT a free pass – you gotta pay all that back later.

-The baby weight is long gone, plus five bonus pounds.

-All of the strange blood blister-looking-things all over my body have nearly disappeared; only a few linger here and there.

-The “mask of pregnancy” spot is still hanging around above my left eyebrow, but I can tell that it’s shrinking.

-I can wear my contacts again after about nine months.

-My hair has stopped falling out and is now back to it’s normal, frizzy, unruly self.

-The tummy squishiness is diminishing and the midsection figure is starting to return, just in time for bikini season.

After I thought about all of this, I began to feel better about the whole grouchy thing. Then I thought about myself a year ago. About this time last year, Jerry pulled over in front of a church on Easter Sunday so I could vomit my breakfast on their front lawn as they were dismissing the congregation from the service. I’ll admit it one of my better moments. How about the time that I sat outside on the porch at 6 a.m. and vomited into the snow beside the step? It wasn’t long after the March snow last year. OH and what about waking up at 2 and 4 every sing morning because I was starving, only to taste it again when I got out of bed in the morning?

Things that set me off: salsa, smoke, Arm and Hammer litter, coffee, riding in the car, sleeping upstairs (turned out to be the Airwick that was plugged in beside the stairs), flossing, dog and cat food

Things that made it all better: milk and Zofran for 26 straight weeks, until the Hell Fire otherwise known as heartburn kicked in. Then, nothing helped.

Ah yes. It’s nice having my body back again. Many people told me back then it would “all be worth it.” I didn’t see their point. In fact, I wanted to scream when people made any kind of light of the endless suffering that I was going through. I didn’t understand why I had to endure discomfort after hardship after trial after tribulation. Wasn’t this pregnancy thing supposed to be a natural thing my body was made to do? Wasn’t it supposed to be easy?! I HATED being pregnant, and everyone knew it.

Now, I have two words for the past 15 months: Worth it.