Before I begin, here is my latest accomplishment:

370 diapers. $25. I'm so proud of myself that I feel like belting out one of those diabolical laughs every time I diaper my child. MMUUUAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!! Walgreens had these diapers on clearance for $2.29/package (regularly priced at $8.99). I bought all the size 3 and 4 they had. We're stocked for a while; at least, until I manage to get my first interview. Saving a ton of money rocks. (thanks,!)

One more thing before I get into my blog: I've gotten a few inquiries about "hating" my previous co-workers, or "contempt" for my previous company. The answer to all of those questions is no. I don't have any hate or contempt. I promise, I'm not just saying that. The way I see it: From tragedy can only come good. Remember the previous blog I posted on courage and bravery? This is a prime example. More importantly, I have no room in my heart for contempt, because there is a little boy sleeping in the other room that owns every inch of it. I don't have time to stew, I have no energy to hate. I need to concentrate on moving forward, healing my mangled emotions, and getting on with our lives. The mortgage will be paid and the baby will be fed. We'll figure it out somehow.

And... I'm not the one who will have to explain this whole mess one day at the pearly gates.

ANYWAY. On to today's blog.

First, there is this blog that my sis-in-law found that I breezed through the other day... and then got sucked in. This lady is an amazing writer and an amazing photographer. Her story is one of an ultimate test: her youngest daughter was born with Down's Syndrome. I saw today that she's being featured on CNN:

The article challenges readers with a question: What would you do if you found out your child had Down's?

This brings me immediately to the day when the ultrasound technician found a spot on JJ's heart. He was 18 weeks gestation, and the spot was an indicator of Down's Syndrome or even scarier, a heart defect. Here is an excerpt of the email that I sent out regarding the topic:

"...Today we had our third ultrasound. I never mentioned in the last email out to everyone anything concerning J.J.'s health because I didn't want anyone to worry. During our 18 week ultrasound, the ultrasound tech found a white spot on J.J.'s heart. She also mentioned that his heart was too small to really tell if it was just a spot or a heart defect, so that's why we went back in today. The spot could be an indicator of Down's Syndrome...That day, we went for a blood test for the Down's Syndrome marker. The test also checks for markers for more serious genetic disorders, Trisomy 23 (or is it 21? I can't remember) and Spina Bifida... Just the thought of my son having Downs made my heart sink. I wasn't terribly worried, but of course we couldn't help but wonder what life would be like with a special needs child. I had no doubt that he would be just as perfect and wonderful as we imagined even if he did have Down's. I did cry a little when I thought about the fact that most people with Down's don't live to see their 40th birthday. I don't want that for my son. Three days later, the test came back perfectly normal on all three markers.

... At that moment, all I wanted in the entire world was a healthy baby - something that a lot of Moms take for granted.... God heard my prayers though. Today, our ultrasound went fine and J.J.'s heart is perfectly normal. He weighs one pound, three ounces and is perfect in every way....

When the doctor came in and said "Your baby is perfectly healthy," I was overwhelmed with relief. I couldn't believe how anxious I had become in the short time between sitting in the waiting room and the doc coming in the room...."

I don't have to wonder what I would think or do. I've already done that. I have no doubt there would have been just as many cuddles, kisses, and hugs. I would have had just as much love in my heart for JJ. He would still be my little man, and he would still be perfect.

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